


Not Just A Girl

by DrunkGerbil



Series: The Clarkson-Hammonds [1]
Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Andy's and Jeremy's epic friendship, F/M, Female Richard Hammond, First Dates, Fluff and Humor, Gen, POV Andy Wilman, POV Outsider, Pre-Top Gear Era, Richelle Hammond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26441620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrunkGerbil/pseuds/DrunkGerbil
Summary: Andy gets a late night call from Jeremy who just wants to talk about his date. It's the beginning of something great.
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson & Andy Wilman, Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond
Series: The Clarkson-Hammonds [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957702
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	Not Just A Girl

**Author's Note:**

> was written for the CHMS 2020 AU-Challenge on DreamWidth for the prompt Genderswap AU

The ringing of the phone rips Andy out of his doze violently. His cheek is sticky and there's a wet patch on the cushion, the television is still running, and his head feels like it's filled with cotton. That's what you get for falling asleep in front of the telly, he thinks. The phone keeps on ringing, so he rolls off the couch with a groan and shuffles over. 

"What," he groans into the receiver. 

"MATE!" comes the booming reply. Andy takes the phone away from his ear long enough to glare at it. 

"Jeremy, do you know how late it is?!" he hollers, and then checks his wrist watch to find out how late it actually is. Quarter past two. Hah. 

"The night's still young," Jeremy laughs, and there's a definite slur to his words. 

"Some people have to work in the morning, you lout." 

"That's what she called me, too," Jeremy sighs dreamily, making Andy frown. 

"Who?"

"Richelle."

Ah. Radio girl. Jeremy and Andy met her on a car show a few weeks ago. She was standing next to a Radio Leeds van, sound equipment in her arms. Andy stumbled over some of her cables, nearly ripping them out of the sockets, and apologized profusely when she yelled at him. He knows how protective sound people are of their equipment. Miss Hammond is young, pretty, has big eyes filled with wonder, and an infectious smile that she readily turned on them after she ascertained that nothing was broken. Jeremy, always happy to flirt with a pretty girl, started up a conversation after he was done laughing at Andy. Trying to impress her with his knowledge of cars promptly lead to an argument between those two in which they learned that, a) radio girl is a petrol head of her own, b) she and Jeremy have very differing opinions on many things, and c) she can cuss with the best of them. Andy took one look at his friend and knew that Jeremy was smitten. Jeremy asked her to come along, but she told them to fuck off and let her work. Not deterred in the slightest, Jeremy found her at the end of the day and invited her to the pub, which she declined again (albeit reluctantly, Andy noted with amusement) because of the long drive back to Leeds. Instead, with a charming smile that undoubtedly has won many hearts over, she asked Jeremy if he was ever willing to be interviewed. Richelle received Jeremy’s business card before she could even finish the sentence, and sashayed away with a wink. Jeremy was unbearable for the rest of the week, and kept Andy, against his will, informed of all developments. Especially when Richelle had called to schedule the interview, and declined Jeremy's dinner invitation on accord of “unfortunate things happening at work, I’m a bit in the dog house at the moment.” A few days later, she called again to inform Jeremy that the interview wasn’t going to happen, since she got sacked, but she thought he might enjoy the story nonetheless. 

“She crashed the radio van with 4000 pounds worth of equipment in it doing a Scandinavian flick.” Jeremy sounded more smitten than ever when he told Andy about it on their lunch break last thursday. 

"So do you finally get your date, then?" Andy asked impatiently, because he had wanted to get going before the general lunchbreak rush clogged up all the hallways, but his annoying friend was blocking the doorway out of his office. Jeremy smugly replied, “Obviously,” like there had never been a doubt in the world. 

Now, before his brain can catch up with his mouth, Andy asks, "How did it go?" and Jeremy launches into a description of the evening without any hesitation or consideration for the late hour. 

"I came to pick her up, and she said my car is rubbish," he laments. It sounds like it might take a while, so Andy resigns himself and sinks to the floor. The phone cord is just long enough to reach down, and he lets his eyes drift shut as Jeremy keeps rambling on about radio girl's outrageous list of the car's faults. Andy makes the appropriate sounds whenever Jeremy loudly exclaims, “Can you believe it?!” 

"And in the pub she mocked my hair," he goes on, and Andy doesn't say that Jeremy's hair is very mockable. He’s had the urge to shave it so often, it’s bound to happen some time when they are staying at his place after a pub crawl. It’d be for the good of mankind. He can always blame the drink. 

"She's had more girlfriends than me!" The exclamation pulls Andy out of his musings, and he asks, a little confused, "You mean she’s had more boyfriends than you had girlfriends?" 

"No. Boyfriends and girlfriends, too. She was in art school, and she said that all you do in art school is drink and pursue women."

Andy snorts, and mutters, "Good luck trying to be better in bed than a horde of art school lesbians," and Jeremy wails, "I know!" before complaining about her unfortunate love for motorbikes. 

"And she’s wrong about cars. So wrong. She likes the 911 range, Andy. THE NINE ELEVEN." The scandalized tone finally makes Andy crack up. He rolls his head against the wall, giggling helplessly as he imagines his friend in the pub with Richelle, yelling about cars like the idiots they so clearly are instead of flirting like normal people on a first date. 

"She is clearly a mental," Jeremy concludes once Andy has caught himself.

"So it was a horrible date?" he asks, and Jeremy answers in despair, "No, didn't you listen?! I think I might have to marry her!"

There's a beat of silence, as Andy lets that sink in. _Who is the real mental here_ , he wonders. But then again, things like logic and sanity have never stopped Jeremy from doing anything, and he’s always managed to rope Andy along. _Maybe I'm the mental_ , he thinks. Finally, in the long suffering tone he has perfected in their twenty years of friendship, he sighs, "Alright."

That startles a laugh out of Jeremy, happy and drunk and in love with a stranger. "Thank you for your blessings. Will you be my best man?" 

"Sure," Andy answers easily. It's not a question worth asking. Of course he will. "But know that I will use this conversation in my speech." 

~

Barely a year and a half later, because Jeremy is definitely insane and found himself a woman who is just as bad, Andy gets to hold that speech, and Misses Richelle Hammond (she keeps the name) nearly falls over laughing. Jeremy still looks like a love sick fool when he gazes down at her. She looks just as smitten when she gazes up at him. Andy pats himself on the shoulder for a job well done and wonders how soon he will be godfather.


End file.
